Generally I don't live as I imagined someone with brain cancer might live. I don't know why I thought that the second you are diagnosed with a disease that you immediately live differently.
One thing that IS very different is how stories of cancer, especially ones from people I know personally affect me very differently and quite deeply. I regret not asking more questions and not being more involved in the care of so many who have gone through this.
Last week I was going about my ordinary business and I heard on NPR that Beau Biden had died of brain cancer. I started to tear up quickly and start to look up information about his illness and what type of tumor he had. The information has been kept very private, but what was released was that he seems to only have been in treatment for two years. In an ordinary day I don't even think the word cancer. I am more likely to worry about what is for dinner and whether the bathroom is clean but stories like this, even if they may have no bearing or relation to my story, have the ability to strike the demon of fear to rise quickly.
I have to remind myself again and again to turn my head toward hope instead. It is a physical, mental and spiritual choice to do so.
But in addition to that it is a reminder of me to resist living in the mundane. In these ordinary, healthy, homework and tantrum filled days I am so quick to forget how sacred life is. When I am faced with a great trial or a difficult choice I can easily turn to God for guidance and direction, but the more "normal" life is, the less I realize how sacred and special it all is and I sinfully take it for granted. So, even though we are far from the lenten season I'll take the lenten discipline to turn from sin into my thoughts and prayers again, remembering to ask more, to care more, to be invested and involved in all of God's beloved and especially the ones that have been entrusted to me.
Perhaps I should remember more and keep all of the parts of my story in the forefront of my prayers.
No comments:
Post a Comment