On Cats and waiting until later

This morning I put on my beloved Roomba vacuum (named Rosie after the Jetsons) as I walked out of the door to take the kids to school.  This has been a regular part of my routine in the morning for years.  When I came home less than ten minutes later I smelled a strong smell of vomit and started looking around to see where the cats might have puked.  I couldn't find it anywhere but the smell kept getting worse, until I made my away across the room to see that Rosie had decided to try to vacuum up a pile of cat poop that the cats had conveniently left right outside of the cat box.  Rosie then proceeded to randomly carry and smear that special gift all over the floor as she made her way through the house.  Joy of all joys.  I couldn't help but laugh and sent Paul a text.  I swore Noah told him there was an accident, but none of us could remember for sure if it was made known.  Paul insisted I leave it alone and he would get it when he got home, but the smell... oh.. the smell.  I couldn't.  So I threw out the mat and started mopping the floor.  I realized it was also inside the Roomba so I had to take apart Rosie piece by piece to de-poop her.  I grabbed some Qtips and clorox wipes and set about carefully cleaning out all of the ridges and gaps that had been filled with nastiness.

It was then that I knew I was really sick.  I was enjoying it!  No one without a brain tumor could possibly enjoy cleaning cat poo out of a vacuum cleaner early in the morning.  It's no secret that I like to clean.  I have liked it for years... ever since Noah was a baby it made me feel "in control" to have the house clean.  If things were messy and he was crying it multiplied everything and made me feel helpless.  Cleaning has been a way for me to see progress.  In my career you don't know the fruits of your labor, perhaps ever.  With children you don't know if you are doing a great job or just employing  a therapist for the next 40 years.  There is no measurable outcome for ministry or for parenting.  You just have to hope and pray you are giving it your all and that someday the fruits of your labor will bring a harvest of plenty.  But cleaning....  after you soak a chocolate ice cream stain in Oxy Clean, it's gone!  After the drawers are organized they are so beautiful to look at when you open them.  Even if the reward is only temporary, you can stand back and look at it and know that it is done, even for a few minutes.

So, as I was personally confused about the smile on my face during this morning's task, all I could think about was how messed up I was to be enjoying this.  I have very little control over much these days.  I was mad at the dinner table the other night and walked away in a huff which caused me to hit all three doors square on my left shoulder before I made it to my bedroom. I was trying to make mac and cheese for the kids on Sunday and I went to pour the milk into the pot (on my left) and poured it right into the burner (admit it, you're laughing!) And somehow... it's all okay.

I'd be lying if I said I walk around full of sunshine and chirping birds every day.  I am walking around and there is sunshine and there are chirping birds (not to mention mid 50s temperatures, daffodils blooming and very green grass), but it's a time of great emotional ups and downs.  I oscillate between a fullness of joy that I can't put into words because my life is so complete.  Seriously, I've said a bazillion times (long before this Christmas) that I have everything I have ever wanted in life and a million times more than that.  I have struggled for years with wondering when I would be "content" and sure.. I would still love to be thinner, have better skin, and live by the beach, but never before have I been so aware of all that is so good around me.

So I could have left Rosie for Paul when he got home, but I slowly and methodically worked my way through each crevice cleaning it out so that I could use my beloved vacuum again.  There have been so many times in my life when I was literally racing out the door, gasping for a second to catch up, to be on time, to finish what I had left undone and to spend a few hours in the mundane, drinking coffee listening to my  new favorite band The Decemberists, I was able to just revel in the glory of the ordinary.

I feel physically very good.  I walked for quite a while yesterday.  I'm getting up in the morning on time without feeling so drained and sluggish.  I am getting dressed instead of staying in pajamas.  I'm very focused on eating foods with antioxidants, making kale and blueberry smoothies (which I also did  pre-Christmas).  I'm spending time daily reading my devotions and my Bible and the books that some of you have given me.  I found a random verse marked in my Bible that I didn't mark and I don't know who did... but it was Ephesians 1:18

I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance...

Maybe it was you?

No matter what it was a fun find!

And that is my prayer, that my heart's eyes will remain open to the hope that I am called to, even when I am not enjoying the mess that is all around.  

Because there are always days and moments when a poop filled vacuum would be enough to send anyone over the edge.  And most days it takes so much less than that to trigger our anger and our fear.  Goodness knows catching up on Parenthood has been wrecking me and triggering all kinds of messes (I only have one more episode left and I can't leave it undone even if it is going to be a slobberfest).  But,  I have to take time and make time to be intentional.  I used to have a sweet,  sweet woman named O'Rita in my Tuesday morning Bible study who would doze off and then apologize profusely.  We did a study on prayer and I gave the group a list of quotes about prayer that I can't find anymore.  But I remember that there was one that said no matter how many times your mind wanders during prayer, each time you return and refocus, God is so happy to welcome you back.  I believe that is true for so much of our lives.  We fall off, we wander, we get sidetracked, but no matter how many times we head down a path we didn't intend or even want to go, God welcomes us back each time we turn around.  You know when you turn a child's head away from something they shouldn't see so that they focus on something different-- be it a tv show or an adult conversation or whatever, I will need God to lift my heart back up when it heads to places God doesn't intend it to go.  

So today I can give thanks for a random post it note in my Bible, for a husband who was willing to clean up the cat poo after he got home from work, for calm and peace and for so much more.  

I didn't wait for later and honestly, I never really have been one to wait.  I've got today and it's great.