To see the big picture

It's been a long while since I posted. I have my next MRI and appointment on Wednesday at 1:30pm. I'm not looking forward to this round of chemo because the last one was incredibly hard. As the medicine builds up, the symptoms worsen. I remember the first month thinking it was cake. Last month I didn't leave the bed hardly at all and I was sick for the first time, which isn't so bad. 

The great news is that once I recovered, the rest of the month was full of energy and normalcy. I have felt fantastic. I traveled to PA for Thanksgiving without any fatigue or exhaustion. 

I have been feeling quite a bit of dizziness  which one doctor said may be a sign of damage to the ear from radiation. 

I have no new news about my blood counts and I will find out more about that on Wednesday, as well as the plan for the next six months.  

As I wrote my Christmas cards out, I was led by the word provision. I have felt very aware of all of the ways God has provided the support I need to get through this. 

I remember in the beginning during radiation, I was disappointed that I wasn't one of those cancer patients that was running a marathon. I have always had unreasonable expectations for myself and this was no exception. But even in the midst of that disappointment, God provided a group of my friends here in Seattle to encourage me to be part of a kettle bell class. Twice a week we meet with a trainer to lift and strengthen. I realized two weeks ago that perhaps I shouldn't be disappointed in myself and that this is quite an accomplishment even without cancer. (I would still like to run a marathon). In addition to the class itself, I have regular time with an amazing group of women which is so good for me. 

After all of this pondering my devotion this morning was about provision. It shared that the word provision means to see and that God's provision is based on God's ability to see the big picture, that of course we can't see. I felt connected and inspired through this message. 

Even as things are going well for me, my heart is heavier than before. My friend Bill, my brain cancer buddy, had some unusual signs in his last MRI and they are moving up his next one. 

A former parishioner of mine, Pete, who is a dear friend and even read scripture in my wedding with his wife, was taken to the hospital in November with a mass on his brain. He was operated on last month and then had complications from the surgery. He is at Hopkins recovering and he has a long road ahead. 

And lastly I found out last week that one if my youth group students from Oxford also has just been diagnosed with a tumor and awaits his path results following surgery. He is about 16. 

It seems impossible that all of this is happening and it brings me to a place of empathy and humility every time I think about it. 

Somehow in the midst of all of it, I do believe firmly that God does provide.  I believe God sees what we do not see and comes alongside us in the midst of these struggles and places perfect people in our path to be ministers, in all forms. In a world of increasing isolation, I am reminded daily how interconnected Gods family is and I am ever so grateful.

And so, as always I covet your prayers this week as I lay wide awake in bed wondering what Wednesday will bring, but I also hope that you will cast your net a little wider to include these other warriors, their families and friends, and also those around you who need you to come alongside them and encourage them to see God's provision.