Do you miss it?

It seems lately that I've been surrounded by people with babies.  At church, with friends, in passing... I ooh and ahh over the little ones and admire their sweet sleep and smile at their cries.  And almost every single time, the parents ask me if I miss it.  If I miss having babies around and their sweet and cute baby life.  I almost always say no.  I don't miss being sleepless, getting up so early, the constant moving and chasing, the unexplainable tantrums, traveling with strollers, pack and plays, diapers, extra clothes.  I was a very worried and frantic mother of babies.

But now my life is so very different.  Yes, we are busy with endless sports practices and difficult homework, but I feel like we are in a sweet spot.

On the airplane home from Pennsylvania at Christmas, a couple was behind us with a 2 month old girl.  The kids and I smiled and cooed at her the whole time.  At the end of the flight one parent said to me... I can't wait for her to be as old as your kids!  They sat so still and calm on the plane.  It made me laugh and remember an overnight flight to Iceland when Noah literally screamed from 2AM to 6AM and every flight attendant on the plane was trying to help.

We saw the couple again outside of baggage claim, lugging the baby and all the gear.  Noah and Maeve were pulling two suitcases each and again, the parents said, "See!!  I can't wait for that!"

This week I was putting away all of the Christmas presents and I looked through some sketch books in Maeve's room.  Over and over she wrote Paul and I letters about how much she loves us.  She kept writing, I just love you so much.  You'll never know how much I love you, over and over again.  She put notes in my pockets this week telling me to have a great day and she snuck a note under Noah's pillow to tell him he's a great brother.

Noah is my right hand man.  He gives me everything purple he finds because he knows its my favorite color. He cheerfully helps with whatever I need, partially I think because he's worried about me.  He tells me all about the struggles of 4th grade in depth every night.  He asks for my advice on what matches and what I think will look cool.  He asks for story after story about how he was as a baby and about my childhood.

I listened to a TED talk earlier this year that said that children who are part of a bigger story will ultimately have more self confidence in the long run than those that aren't.  The talk shared that religious stories, stories of origin, family stories and more help children feel connected to a world that is bigger than them and encourages them to dream of how their role in the story might shape the next chapters.

This past year was without a doubt the most challenging year of parenthood so far.  With our move from PA still lingering, through our moves from corporate housing to a rental house to a more permanent home, coupled with my sickness and treatment,  somehow we were disappointed when our children didn't act perfectly through it all.

After many months of soul searching and prayer and pain it feels as though we have emerged on the other side of that storm.

Maeve is wearing socks and shoes, getting dressed without a fight.  Noah is calmly thinking through his thoughts and actions.  We are more patient and more understanding.

I am so incredibly grateful for this moment we are in.  I'll take all of the notes and cuddles and hugs and feeling as though I am the best mom ever.  I love hearing what they have to say.  I love dreaming with them.  I love hearing about their friendships and their struggles.  I love telling them that I will always love them, no matter what. That I will always forgive them and that more importantly, God will always forgive them.

I know there will be other storms on the horizon.  The teen years are right around the corner with all new paths to cross, but I love where we are and I might even say I love where we've been, and more than all of this, I love where we are going.