Gobs of gratititude

It occurs to me that it might seem like an odd thing, but I just keep finding myself uttering the words, "I'm so grateful" under my breath all day long.  Tonight as Kelsey played board games with the kids, as Maeve plowed through a book full of words she has never pronounced before, as the kids played with lifelong friends, as I enjoyed ice cream cake Paul bought me just because....I have always been so keenly aware of the abundance of blessings in my life and I am so grateful for all of this. 

In the hospital I was sharing with Amy and Erin some of my core values about theodicy.  In a book study I did a few years ago we read The Good and beautiful God by James Bryan Smith. I recommend the book as a worthwhile read, but it wasn't life changinging for me--- except one part. In the book Smith shares his own unimaginable loss-- that of a child. And though I don't have my copy with me, I don't need it to remember the words that will never leave me.  In Matthew 5:45 Jesus says" he causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous.  Smith talks about plenty of circumstances all of humanity is familiar with and how we are often puzzled by circumstances where we notice what we see as moments in life thst appear unfair or unjust.  Scripture is clear... The rain falls everywhere and on every one. And though I don't have my book copy handy what i recall is what I believe to be a quote bySt. Augustine that the benefit and the joy of life as a Christian is not that we are without trial, but instead thain the trials we are not alone. Jesus is with us and loving us and comforting us and taking care of us.   The great benefit is that through it all we know Immanuel, god with us in a way that wipes the very concept of loneliness from our understanding.  

Im fully aware that I'm just at the beginning of this journey and I know there are going to be lots of tough days  ahead but I know that I am not alone and that I never will be.  I'm going to keep whispering  my gratitude because the mercies around me are miles of pages long and  I'm just so grateful. For all of you. And for Paul and for my amazing family and for everything that is already so perfectly in place and for the blessing that Jesus has always been in my life.  I can only hope that someone else will come to know this intimacy and love I know so dearly.  Good night...I love you!