The little things are really the big things

I have this enormous banner above me  here at Kelsey's house. First Pres made it for me and people signed it when this all started. It says We ❤️ you Stephanie.  When my visiting nurse first came she just stared at it and said "that's a LOT of signatures!

I was thinking a lot today about all of the amazing people I've been so blessed to have relationships with over the years.  I tried to mentally add up all of our communities.  I thought about the hundreds of teenagers that called Paul  and I mom and Dad at camp mensch Mill, our first church together at Bausman UCC in Wyomissing of about 300 people, almost all of whom were with us as we were married...baking our cake taking our pictures, decorating, singing, lifting us up. My first solo church in Maryland of around 100. Our time at Oxford Pres with another 300 or 400 people.  And then our community at First Presbyterian in West Chester, easily 1500 people but still with the feeling that we were and are all so close. Then, on top of all of this I thought of the small church that raised me where we were all related (almost literally), of our short time worshipping at Union in Seattle and just how for as long as we have known each other, church has been our home We were just telling the story of our engagement this week...we started the afternoon on the CROP walk to stop hunger and ended the day at the Wyomissing Diner with the Derr family right before Paul proposed. I  used to say to mothers and fathers when I baptized their babies that a church community is the blessing of extra grandparents and aunts and uncles to love your babies when they are driving you nutty  and to just extra hands and hearts to  wrap all of you in the embrace of a different kind of human and holy family.  I remember Anne Lamott saying in her book Traveling Mercies that she told her teenage son Sam that he had to go to church......... “The main reason is that I want to give him what I found in the world, which is to say a path and a little light to see by.  Most of the people I know who have what I want – which is to say purpose, heart, balance, gratitude, joy – are people with a deep sense of spirituality…They follow a light brighter than the glimmer of their own candle; they are part of something beautiful…Our funky little church is filled with people who are working for peace and freedom, who are out there on the streets and inside praying, and they are home writing letters, and they are at shelters with giant platters of food.  When I was at the end of my rope, the people at St. Andrew tied a knot in it for me and helped me to hold on.  The church became my home in the old meaning of home – that it’s where, when you show up, they have to let you in.  They let me in.  They even said, ‘You come back now.’ … Sam [her son] was welcomed and prayed for at St. Andrew seven months before he was born.  When I announced during worship that I was pregnant, people cheered.  All these old people, raised in Bible-thumping homes in the Deep South, clapped.  And then almost immediately they set about providing for us.  They brought clothes, they brought me casseroles to keep in the freezer, they brought me assurance that this baby was going to be a part of the family.  I'm fully aware that church hasn't been an awesome experience for many people and that truly breaks my heart. Actually I've spent most of my ministry trying desperately to help people find ways to see their faith as relevant and vital and life giving. Anne has been one of those candid authors who I've always enjoyed reading, but today another one of my favorites was lodged in my head. Many of you have probably heard me quote her so much you can guess but Ann Voskamp's 1000 gifts kept me smiling from ear to ear. In her book she encourages her readers to keep a simple list of blessings and see how quickly they add up. Her belief is that at table with his disciples when he knew he would die, Jesus gave thanks before he broke bread.  That this simple act redefines our lives and if we learn to give thanks we will be transformed.  This practice has always re-centered me when I'm off kilter. 

I've been feeling so much better the past few days. I'm having some strong headaches and some vision loss on my left side. I'm still a little dizzy and tired but I just feel more like myself. But today I got up and came downstairs and I made my kids lunch.  I made my kids lunch! I microwaved hot dogs and poured milk. And put ketchup on the plates all by myself. I was so thankful to be able to do this. It's been over three weeks since I have done anything like this. I took a nap and didn't do much else but then at night I laid with Maeve in bed and helped her read through 20 pages of Curious George. It felt so normal and so good and the little things stunned me today as the big things. This banner is such a huge reminder to me of 20 years of ministry and relationships and believe me when I say I feel your prayers. Thousands of them. Every card and note and message matters and reminds me of how amazing it is to be a part of this family. Thank you so much.... I know it's like this every day, paying attention and noticing moments of joy but I microwaved hot dogs today. 

Paul and the kids are heading home Sunday and I'm going to hang out a little bit longer. I was trying to get my doctors appointment set in Seattle first but they are still transferring information and putting me in the system at UW so we should be able to finalize an appointment in another day or two. We tried to get an appointment at HUP and they couldn't see us until February either.  We are eager to know more about treatment and plans and timing but we also feel confident that the doctors we are going to have are amazing.  So for now we hold on, get the kids back in a routine, keep praying and trusting and take note of ordinary blessings.